Naples BBQ Competition

This is another one of the posts that got deleted in the great Brain Fart of 2013. It was originally posted 10/24/13

Well, another one in the books. That’s about all I can find good from this one. It had all the potential to be a good competition, unfortunately it don’t go quite like that.

I headed out Thursday (the 17^th) around noon to travel to just outside Naples and the ‘Big Swamp Smoke Off’ competition. Full tank of gas, check. Tunes, check. James (GPS) dialed in, check. I’m good to go for my ~3.5 hours of travel. Down I-95, across SR-70, down US-27, some little CR, some other little CR, another little CR, one tiny little one-light town after another, miles and miles of orange groves and Bingo! I’m there!

This is the fairgrounds late Thursday afternoon. Not a whole lot going on, yet. Some of the vendors are getting set up.

Off in our own little area is Tom (Blitzkrieg BBQ) and me. We were joined a little while later by several other teams but the majority won’t show up until tomorrow morning. So I get electric/water/TV antenna/etc. set up.

The rest of Thursday night was spent doing chicken prep. Oh, how I so truly LOVE chicken prep. 20 thigh pieces that essentially get dissected, cleaned, veins & tendons removed (don’t get squeamish on me), skin scraped completely clean of all fat, trimmed down to uniform size. Mmmmmm boy! I just love me a big pile of chicken entrails right before dinner. I don’t get it, I hate chicken the very most, but it’s my best scoring meat.

The rules say that I can do any trimming I want before meat inspection as long as I keep the tags and don’t do any seasoning. I usually do the bulk of the trimming and prep on Wednesday or Thursday before the competition. That way when I get meat inspection about noon of Friday, I can go right into injecting, marinating, brining, etc.

Bright and early Friday morning I go to start working on the brisket. Here’s where the trouble starts. I bought a 13 pound brisket. It should have been way more than enough to fill up one turn-in box, always has been in the past. So I cut the cryovac wrapping off and Hmmmm, that’s an awful lot of fat on that sucker. I figure I’ll just trim away the bulk of the fat and see what I’m really working with. So I trim… and trim…and trim….and trim. Oh shit, this thing is virtually ALL fat! There was ridiculously little meat in it. That was one especially FAT and LAZY cow. Oh well, go with what I got ‘cause the nearest place to get a replacement brisket is probably 40-50 miles away. When I do competitions there’s almost always one ‘oh shit’ thing that happens, I figured this was it. Alright, I can live with it.

Next, I go to work on the pork butts (No, they really aren’t the backside of the pig. They’re actually the front shoulder) and everything seems to be pretty normal. Ok good, we’re back in the groove.

Next up is ribs. I buy one of those 3 slab cryovacs as I usually bring home at least a slab as leftovers after I turn in the best looking 10-12 ribs. I probably should do 6 slabs to be extra safe, but it starts to run into a lot of extra $$. I slice it open, take out the first slab, and wait a minute, what’s wrong with that slab underneath? Oh no! Somebody cut across all the bones right through the WHOLE SLAB! All of that meat is completely blood soaked and totally unusable. So now I’m down to just two slabs and that is the barest of minimum to go with. If ANYTHING happens to either of those slabs I won’t have enough to make turn-in. You have GOT to be kidding me, two ‘oh-shits’ in one comp and both really bad ones? Grrrr… Ok, alright, deep breath, count to 10 a few times, take a break, cool off and adjust plans. Fortunately, the rest of the day goes well.

It’s now O-dark-thirty Saturday morning and would you believe that the party down at the other end of the midway is STILL going on? Amazing (There’s a whole story within that but I was not involved). It’s time to do final prep on chicken & ribs and get them into the cooker. Ribs and chicken are more of a timing thing unlike brisket and butts which are very much a temperature thing. The goal is to have chicken and ribs finish about 10-15 minutes before turn-in. Not an easy thing to do, especially chicken, it does not ‘hold’ at all. So they get final prepared and put into the cooker at the well-practiced ‘right time’.

Now I’m coming up on the start of crunch time (~9:30A-10:30A). This is where all the meats are coming to the end of their cooking cycles and require a LOT of attention. I will check temperatures probably a dozen times in any 10 minute time frame, except for when I have to make a change. At 9:30 I have to take the chicken out of one pan and place them on a grate, in the same order that they were in the pan, and put them back in. 9:45 I have to wrap the ribs in aluminum foil along with a special basting sauce for an hour. I have to almost constantly check the brisket for that probe tender ‘buttery feel’. Keep the butts moist but covered. The list goes on and on.

Chicken gets turned in at 11:00, so at 10:30 I put the finish coat of sauce on the chicken and give them a quick temperature check via probe. Oh shit (#3 if you’re counting), they’re done now, in fact they’re already a little overdone and I have to put them back into the cooker to set the sauce. By 10:50 they are going to be WAY overdone. Can’t be helped, if the sauce does not get set, it will run right off the piece.

Ribs get turned in at 12:00, so at 11:20 I unwrap them, check for done-ness, turn them over, sauce, and put them back into the cooker to set that sauce. Oh shit (that’s right, #4), they’re already way overdone and I only have the 2 racks. They are literally falling apart and in competition falling off the bone tender is a very bad no-no. It means they are way overcooked. No fallback. The only thing I can do is pull them out a couple of minutes early, let them cool off a bit (sometimes ribs will tighten back up a little as they cool).

So after the rib fiasco, it’s pork butt at 1:00. I get them out of the Cambro (the big brown boxes in the one picture above) that I store them in after they reach final cooking temperature. Oh yeah, I need to heat up the sauce to go on the pork. Can’t put cold sauce on hot meat, it will seize right up. You guessed it, oh shit (#5) I didn’t bring the correct sauce. I had been experimenting with a new sauce for pork but it isn’t perfected yet. So in a moment of panic I reason that the ribs are pork just like the butts. So the rib sauce should work on the pulled pork too, right? Right? Please? Oh pretty please? Yeah, um, no.

Final turn-in of the day, brisket at 2:00. Alright, big finish, here we go! I wish. Turns out I was right about that brisket. I had to use almost every fiber of meat to get the box even close to full. Didn’t matter if it had a little fat on it or not, it went in.

Needless to say I was the proverbial good sport at awards. I knew long before they started that I didn’t need to map out a path to the stage when my name was called and I was correct.

Mehh, win some lose some. I figure it this way, I got 4 ‘oh shits’ already in the bag for the next competition, so everybody better watch out. I’m gonna be on a roll!

Makin' Bacon (Get you mind out of the gutter)

This entry was originally posted 10/13/13. It was one of the entries that got accidentally deleted during the colossal brain fart of 2013.


So what does a bored BBQ fanatic do when he's not competing? Why, he makes bacon of course!! Let's all say it together,'Mmmmmm Bacon....'

One goal that I've had for a while now was to make the ultimate BLT sandwich totally from scratch. That's right, the very finest of BLT goodness that can be made. I know, one of my more goofy ideas. I don't even remember how it got started.

Here's where I'm at with it so far: Growing the lettuce and tomatoes in the garden, check. Mel said she would show me how to make bread, check. Now for what I thought would be the hard part, the bacon. Seems it's not as hard as I thought. Find and buy a pork belly (yes it really is the pig's belly, now don't go getting squeamish on me now). I only bought a cut-off piece of about a pound for this test run. A full belly runs about 5 pounds.

Trim off the skin, rub it down with a mixture of cure, sugar, pepper, and a little maple syrup.

Put it in a zip-lock bag and into the fridge for 7 days, flipping each day.

Then rinse it really well, pat dry, and put it back into the fridge for a day to form the pellicle.

Put in the smoker at 225 for a few hours. That's a bottom round underneath the bacon. Mel wanted some sliced BBQ beef.

Smoke with apple wood until it reaches an internal of about 140-145. Don't render that fat!

Take it out and put it in a zip-lock and into an ice bath to stop the cooking.

Slice it up as thick or thin as you like!

Of course a little test drive is obligatory!

Freeze the rest

This was a really fun first time out and VERY tasty too! Doesn't taste anything like whats in the store. I'll do this again in a couple of weeks with a full belly. This first test was a really simple flavor profile, so the next time I want to try a maple glazed and a spicy peppered version.

So anyway, back to the BLT. Once the lettuce and tomatoes get there, I'll be doing a blog on the finest BLT in the world! You're all welcome to come over and try one! I'll even let you try my homemade garlic tomato soup. I've got that one down to a fine science.

Being a jerk, the beef type

How does one make beef jerky? Well, glad you asked.... I didn't ask...yes you did!... wasn't me... you're losin' it.... yes I am

Was in Publix Friday night and they had nice looking 'Eye of Round' on sale. Whenever I see a roast like that I instantly think of one of about three things. It's either going to be steaks, sliced BBQ beef, or jerky. Well, I haven't done jerky in quite some time, so jerky it is.

Notice that the weight is 2.74 lbs. Won't be anywhere close to that when I get finished! First order of business is to get every bit of that fat off. Fat is what will make jerky go bad really fast with no preservatives and I don't use preservatives. So the fat has to go.

Next is to slice it up into about 1 inch 'steaks'. In fact, when I buy an Eye of Round for steaks, this is exactly the process I follow. I would place the slices into individual FoodSaver bags and they will last for months (theoretically, as they get eaten long before that). Far cheaper doing it this way than buying individual steaks.

At this point they go into the freezer to get firm, not completely frozen. They slice up easier and better if they are cold stiff.

While I'm waiting for them to firm up, I'll go ahead and mix up the marinade. Little of this and a little of that. Soy sauce is the big ingredient here because of the acid and the salt. Everything else is for the flavoring. I got turned on to the Emeril's seasoning by my good friend Tim and he is absolutely right.

Now that the steaks are firmed up, we can go ahead and slice. I like to lay the steak flat so that the 'grain' of the finished product runs across the slab. Running it lengthwise makes it very difficult to tear off and chew. Running it into the meat makes for really tiny 'bits' and gives the meat a mealy kind of texture.

Dig the slicer right out of the '60's. Yep, it's a real 'Oster' slicer. I believe it belonged to Mel's grandmother. Believe it or not, this slicer does a really good job! Can't rush it, but it does turn out first rate slices. And yes, I do wear gloves when handling meat. I've been doing competition where they are required for so long now that touching meat with bare hands is really weird to me.

All sliced up, into the marinade, cover, and into the fridge to soak overnight. I prefer a minimum of at least 12 hours, 18 to 24 is even better.

Unbelievably early the next morning, it goes into the cooker. Gotta start early as it takes ALL day to get it dehydrated. Remember, we're not really cooking it. I don't want the temperature inside the cooker to get above about 135-140. Any higher and it will cook the meat and I don't want to do that. I want LOTS and LOTS of warm air to dry out the meat, not cook it.

Ok, some of you observant types might notice that I didn't use the smokehouse for this batch, and you would be correct. I didn't. Three reasons. First, I'm still seasoning the smokehouse. I still smells like raw wood inside, not smoke. Second, I don't have any sort of temperature control on the smokehouse yet. I'll have it installed in the next week or two. Third, this is a very, very small batch of jerky and I have't used the WSM in quite a while.

I didn't get a picture of it, but I've found that 4 or 5 charcoal briquettes in the bottom of the cooker with the fan turned almost all the way up fits the bill just nicely. Just have to remember to check on the fire every 20-30 minutes ALL day long. With all that air and so little charcoal, the briquettes don't last long at all.

Here's the finished product after about 12 hours of dehydrating. It's a whole bunch smaller than when it started. Yes, I filched a couple of pieces. Quality control, Right?!

Remember that 2.74 lbs of meat? Well, it sho don't weigh that much now! Not even a pound. Almost a 70% weight loss! Mighty expensive water! Ever wonder why beef jerky costs so much in the store? Now you know!
It went from $5/lb meat to about $14/lb jerky.

This was a very small batch. In fact, it was the smallest batch I've ever done. Of course about halfway through the drying phase I remembered that I have about 2 pounds of venison in the freezer that I've been meaning to jerky. Rats. I guess I'll have to do another batch in a couple of weeks. Wonder if Publix has that sale still going?

Stay tuned!

It'ssss Aliiiive!

Those of you that know me will get the joke in the title of this update.

Soooo, I've got an operational smokehouse!! I finally got to fire it up last Sunday and actually see smoke come out of the chimney!

As I mentioned in the previous version of this blog (before like an idiot I accidentally deleted it), I got the idea for the smokehouse from a lady who frequents the BBQ Bretheren bulletin board forum. She lives somewhere in Oklahoma I think, shoot I don't even know. Doesn't matter. Her blog is incredible and I wish I could do half the things she does. Anyhow, I based the design of this smokehouse very heavily on hers. Many thanks to Jeanne ( I probably mis-spelled that). Her blog is, 'Cowgirls Country Life' and is an excellent read. I owe her a very big Thank You!

So without further blathering on my part, here it is!!

It was built completely from scratch, except for the Weber Smokey Joe grill. Although even that is modified to be what is called a mini-WSM. The fire resides in the black Weber grill in the foreground. There is no fire in the smokehouse itself.

So do the wavy, smeary TV flashback thing and I'll take you through it from the beginning. Here is the same spot before spending too much money and drinking a few too many beers.

Yeah, not very pretty. The weeds had pretty much taken over and what little grass was left was getting pretty straggly. Even the vegetable garden was looking bleak.

Soooo, after standing around for a while, thinking about it, having another beer about it, I got started. Cleaned it all off, re-graded it, leveled it out as best as I figured, and we're underway. This is where it got interesting.

After building a boat (I'll have to post a pic or two of that), three staircases (one was even a spiral), and a big stage platform, the neighbors were fairly sure that I'm nuts. This puts it over the top. They're quite sure now. I'm hauling bricks, dirt, sand, and all sorts of nonsense into the back yard. Then, oh yes, then, I start working on the smokehouse itself in the garage.

Stepping forward a little bit, and you can see that I couldn't just build a little smokehouse with maybe a tin roof. Oh no. This had to be full blown with even a cedar shingle roof. It's a sickness.

Here's inside the house. There are opposing rails on the walls with half circle cutouts in them. Those hold 1" dowel rod that I can either drape stuff like beef jerky across, hang stuff like salami, sausage, ham, etc, or I can put metal grates across them and put bacon, etc. on top of. In the back corner is the inside of the chimney stack. All of the interior wood is completely unfinished. Can't have anything like paint or stain messing up the meat!

I tried to get a shot of the smoke coming out of the chimney, but it's very elusive. Kind of like, well, smoke.

Here's what it looked like inside.

Here you can see some of the rods. I need to get a few more.

So far I've been doing drying and seasoning runs with no meat. I figure a few more to be sure that the bricks are fully dry, the wood has a nice patina, and I have a better idea of what I'm doing, then I'll be ready for a load of meat.

So the big question now is, do I do jerky first, or a big batch of bacon? Hmm... May have to have another beer and think about the one.

Officially cable box free and Garden news

Finally held my breath, disconnected the cable box, and took it back to the Brighthouse office. Guess what? It didn't hurt! I actually don't miss it at all. The best part? I just got my latest cable bill yesterday and it was WAYYY less.

In garden news, I'm going to have a bumper crop of tomatoes shortly. I'm up to ~15 tomato plants (Beefsteak, Celebrity, and Roma). I'm sticking them all over the place. BLT sandwich, here I come!

I've already harvested a sizable load of radishes, and will be starting a new planting very shortly The Jalapeno plants are at full capacity and I couldn't resist snitching a few before they were really ready for a batch of chili. Carrots are doing their usual slooowwwww grow. They take forever.

Unfortunately it got too hot too quickly for the iceberg lettuce. Just when they were getting ready to form the head, they bolted (went to flowering/seed) and are now ruined. The leaves turn instantly bitter once the plant bolts. I'll pull them out and cry as they go into the compost pile. The red lettuce is doing very well and the Romaine has gone completely nuts. So it's not a total loss.

I've also just sprouted 18 Trinidad Butch T Scorpion pepper plants. Up until very recently (and it's still being hotly debated), these peppers were rated as hottest in the world at 1.6 million Scoville units. Yes, that's unbelievably hot, and yes, I've eaten one raw. They actually have a very good flavor up until the heat comes on. Then it's pure pain that lasts for about 15-20 minutes.

The little beer/wing place that I frequent has a standing challenge to eat 6 wings in 6 minutes with no drink during the challenge. He uses my peppers along with Ghost & Bhut Jolokia peppers for the wing sauce and it is pretty brutal. I was in there one night and he wanted me to try the latest batch, so he brought out a couple of the wings on a plate. I ate one and the guy next to me wanted to try the other one. I didn't care, so he ate it. He almost started to cry. It was about then that I explained to him that the peppers used to make the hot sauce were mine. The poor guy must have drank a gallon of water (like that helped at all). So if anyone wants to be really brave (or stupid), I've got just the thing.

I'll get some pics and do a proper update shortly.